We, women, have been taught that the more we shrink ourselves, the more ‘feminine’ we become: the quieter you are, the smaller your size is, the lower your laugh, the fewer opinions you have, and the more agreeable you are, the more submissive you are, and the less space you take when you sit down, even the less frizzy your hair is, the more ‘womanly’ you become. This stigma has been passed down generation over generation.
But, this has to end. Taking up space, no matter your gender, is you telling the world that you matter and that you’re valid. You’re showing those around how you expect to be treated: the more you shrink yourself for others, the more space they’ll take from you.
By taking up space in the world, you’re not only standing up for yourself, but you’re also aspiring others (including future generations) to do the same. Granted, there will be those who will oppose you, who will tell you to play it safe but do it anyways – not only for yourself but to encourage those you love to do the same.
Taking up space figuratively and literally makes you feel more confident inside. Have you ever heard of the term “power posing”? This term was first introduced by Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist in a TED talk that went viral in 2012. During that talk, Amy suggested that the way you stand and carry yourself can make you feel more powerful. Taking space and standing tall makes you feel confident on the inside, and communicates to those around you that you’re powerful.
This is a simple example of what it means to take up more space. There are many things you can do in your life to take up more space. It’s normal to feel uncomfortable at the beginning, especially if you’re not used to taking up space, but boldly revealing your identity and owning it is a muscle that needs flexing.
So, here are simple ways to take up more space in your life:
- Stop guilt-tripping yourself for saying no to things that aren’t convenient for you when you could be using that time and energy for yourself and things that are convenient for you.
- Don’t be afraid to order a burger when all of the women at the table are ordering salads. I know that might seem weird, but we unconsciously feel ashamed of ordering food that those at the table won’t eat. Especially if you’re a woman because you’re afraid someone might say that you don’t care about your body or weight.
- Permit yourself to splurge on something that will take some off your plate (a house cleaner, a babysitter, an at-home manicurist, a masseuse, etc…). If you’re able to make your life easier in some aspects, why push yourself? Is it because you’re afraid you’re being too spoiled or irresponsible with finances? Think of the things you hate doing yourself, and hire someone to do it for you – it’s life-changing!
- Be comfortable in your own company. Learn to accommodate your own needs without needing someone, or having someone interrupt you. Practice validating your needs, and actually meeting them. Whether it’s going for a cup of coffee, a dinner date by yourself, or even a whole trip to another country.
- Stop downplaying your accomplishments. When someone asks you about something you’ve done, don’t reply with things like: “It’s nothing”, “X has done it better than me”, or “I’ve only been able to do it because of X, Y, Z”. Own your accomplishments and be loudly proud.
- Laugh out loud when you want to. If something is funny, laugh from the bottom of your lungs, even if you feel that you need to be quiet to be more neutral. Laugh out loud when things are funny and don’t laugh when they’re not.
- Say “No” without having to explain yourself. There’s a fine line between “No” and “I’m sorry, no because I….”.
- Proudly accept compliments. No dismissing, no downplaying. When someone tells you that your hair looks good, smile and say “Thank you”, don’t tell them “Really? It looks bad today”.
- Speak your truth. Don’t agree just for the sake of being an agreeable person: if something doesn’t align with you, say it. It doesn’t have to be in a rude way, you can say things like “I’m not into … what about …?”
- Overdress to a casual event if you feel like it. If you’re in the mood to wear some heels to a casual coffee date, then why not do it? Stop downplaying your outfit for the fear of standing out, or looking ‘different’. Dress according to how you feel, not how others expect you to show up.
- Allow someone to do something for you (even if it’s against their favor). Instead of assuming that they’ll say no, try asking for your needs. You might be surprised by their reaction.
- Make time in your schedule for you to do the things that you want to do, even if others think that these things are unnecessarily ‘time-consuming’, or that you should be using your time ‘more productively’.
- Ditch the word “sorry” and “because” from your vocabulary. You don’t have to apologize for everything. Well, unless of course you did something wrong. And you don’t have to explain everything that you do, even if there’s a possibility someone might take what you say personally or the wrong way.
- Practice taking up space in your seat and standing up tall.
- Change your routine every now and then. Go to a dance class even if you’re the worst dancer ever. Try cooking yourself something even if you’re the worst cook ever. Give yourself the chance to fail at things – remember that embarrassment is in your head, choose not to be embarrassed and you won’t be.
- Stop trying to accommodate everyone’s needs. If two of your friends don’t like each other and you only have one free day for a birthday outing, don’t schedule two different outings because they don’t like each other, schedule one, and leave them to get along, or not come if they don’t want to.
- Speak up in meetings. If the room is full of people who intimidate you, or who aren’t used to you sharing your opinion, do it anyways. Give yourself the chance to speak up: share a different perspective, recommend a solution, or disagree with what someone else is saying.