Source: Florencia Amzurczak from Dupe Photos
In 2022, when I moved to France, everyone had something to say about it. To reassure myself, I asked everyone I know who had a similar experience, just in hopes of imagining what my life would be like. It was frightening not knowing what to expect, especially when I heard the very different opinions from people.
Everyone had something to say about my move: some friends were excited for me, others worried I’d be lonely so far from home, especially as someone who loves to be surrounded by people.
Three years later, the only thing truth I can say is that no two people will have the same experience when moving abroad, there are so many details that shape your experience, and make it different than the person who is giving you advice or the content people create on social media. It’s definitely nice to get some ideas and expectations on what life will be like, but who you are and what you choose to do is what shapes your experience.
I used to be a person who couldn’t sit with my own thoughts for more than five minutes. Back home, I always had someone to talk to, somewhere to go, or at least familiar distractions to keep me busy. But Paris had other plans for me, and what started as an uncomfortable adjustment became one of the most valuable lessons of my life, an experience that shaped me into who I am today–a person I admire very much.
The reality of starting over in a new country
Moving to France wasn’t like the romantic movies make it seem. Yes, the country is beyond beautiful, but those first few months were challenging in ways I hadn’t anticipated. I didn’t speak the language fluently, I didn’t understand the cultural nuances, and most importantly, I didn’t have my usual social safety net.
I found myself with long stretches of time alone, really alone. Not just physically, but culturally and linguistically isolated in ways I’ve never experienced. My first instinct was to fight this solitude, to start building a social circle immediately, or to spend hours video calling friends back home (which I still do to this day).
But if I wasn’t going to go through the discomfort to learn how to live with myself, then why not just go back home? I stopped resisting and had to face the reality that I live here now. This is not a fictional and unreal world; this is where I live, and this is the present, and this is my 20s passing by. This reality check isn’t as easy as it sounds, and I needed to tell myself this every now and then.
How moving abroad forces you to confront solitude
There’s something about being in a completely new environment that strips away your usual coping mechanisms. Back home, I could fill any uncomfortable silence with familiar activities, places, or people. When you move, you’re forced to not rely on those external comforts.
At first, it felt very overwhelming. But as time passed, I realized that these quiet moments weren’t just empty space to be filled; they were opportunities. This time I’m spending in a new environment without having external factors distract me was a huge opportunity I won’t get later in life.
I started to look at it this way: I live in a place no one knows me, and I have all the opportunities in the world. There is so much about myself to discover and experience.
The unexpected benefits of solitude I discovered
Living alone in a foreign country taught me things about solitude that I never would have learned otherwise:
I became uncomfortable with uncertainty
Moving abroad means constantly navigating unfamiliar situations, mostly by yourself. Whether it’s figuring out the metro system, ordering at a restaurant, the unspoken etiquette of things, handling paperwork (hell in France), finding an apartment in Paris (don’t even get me started), you learn to trust your ability to figure things out.
I remember when I first arrived, and that is something I will never forget: I took the same tram line for an entire semester (that goes to my university) and refused to go anywhere else that is not walking distance alone because of how scared I was of getting lost in public transportation. I don’t even know how I developed this irrational fear, but I realized that I was soooo comfortable back home that I couldn’t even handle a foreign transportation system.
I can now say that I truly trust my abilities in figuring things out. This self-reliance that develops through necessity extends beyond practical matters; it becomes an inner confidence that you can handle whatever comes your way.
I discovered my own interests
Back home, my interests were often influenced by my social circle and just what I grew up learning to do. If I were used to going to a specific type of place, I’d keep going there. I was just going to the gym for years without exploring any other types of physical activity. Whatever my social circle was doing, I’d join in.
But alone in Paris, I had to figure out what I actually enjoyed.
I spend hours and hours wandering through different neighbourhoods, not because someone recommended them, but because they looked interesting to me. I discovered that I really don’t like owning a lot of things, very different from who I was back then. I discovered I don’t like very quiet neighbourhoods, I like to feel life around me. I love public transportation more than driving, and taking a bike when the weather is good (which you definitely don’t get a lot of in Paris).
I realized that for cardio or becoming more active, I don’t like very intense activities and would rather walk and observe for hours than do a 30-minute HIIT workout. I love workout studios and being part of a group that has wellness goals in their lives. I discovered that I’m not as organized as I thought I was; it was just a way for me to control something in my life back home when I felt like I couldn’t control a lot of things.
How moving abroad taught me to spend time alone
My experience living here in Paris showed me there are ways to be alone and still enjoy your life. Even though I have made some friends, but I still prefer and appreciate doing many activities alone.
Embracing slow exploration
Living in a very touristic destination like Paris has taught me to embrace slow exploration. Instead of rushing to see every tourist attraction, I learned to explore slowly and intentionally. I’d pick a neighbourhood and spend an entire afternoon there, sitting in cafés, looking into shops, or just walking without any particular destination. And I feel like this has really taught me how to be more present.
Even when I go to a new country, I don’t try to cram my itinerary or force a strict plan, I just research a few places that I don’t to miss on seeing and not make it a life goal to see all the tourist attractions in a place just because someone on TikTok said that you can’t go to Barcelona without going into Sagrada Familia.
Create rituals that ground you
Without familiar routines and distractions around me, I created my own therapy dupes or ways to feel happy in my own way. I wake up every day with more intention and have a routine around the things I love to do and benefit my wellbeing, as this time in my life is all about figuring out myself and developing myself.
I start my day without technology, and most of the time have a semi-structured plan to not be too chaotic, but at the same time leave space to adjust to how I’m feeling as I go by the day. Some things have become constant in my life (like my Sunday yoga class), and some things I’m still figuring out.
Documenting my inner journey
I started journaling more consistently when I moved abroad, partly because I want to remember the experience and the different versions of myself going through out, but mostly because I had so many thoughts and feeling to process as I’m fully left to confront them. Writing became a way to have conversations with myself about what I was learning and how I was changing.
I can’t wait for the day when I’m more stable in life and go through my journal with all the thoughts that I had during that time in life!
The bottom line
There are many ways to enjoy your alone time, whether that’s in your home country or you’ve moved abroad. Solitude doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be entirely alone, you can have a period in your life when life is a bit more lonely but shape that experience in a way that will make you actually live it, instead of just finding ways to fill in the gaps and waiting for it to pass.
I would love to hear about your experience in the comments!