Since this website is all about wellness and a healthy lifestyle, there must be an article about the most important relationship you’ll have in your life – your relationship with yourself. When we think about taking care of ourselves, the first thing that pops into mind is eating well and moving our bodies.
These are two crucial aspects of self-love, but is this all there is? Is health all about looking healthy? Of course not. Achieving true health is internal as much as it is external, if not more. If you want to take a step into the wellness world, you must work on the relationship you have with yourself.
Working on your relationship with yourself isn’t easy at all. It’s easy to say positive affirmations daily in the mirror, but digging deep into yourself and accepting it is hard work. It requires a great level of understanding, patience, and dedication. But, having a healthy relationship with yourself is the most important project you’ll ever work on in your life.
Having a healthy relationship with yourself is reflected in every aspect of your life. Without it, you’ll have a low sense of worth which leads to a disconnection from yourself. This journey isn’t linear – and it’s incredibly normal to find your mind resisting change because that’s who we are. We feel comfortable with what we’re familiar with, even if it’s not good for us.
So, start slow and work your way up. You’ll be met with many ups and downs, but know that deciding to improve your relationship with yourself is the hardest step. So, kudos to you!
Now, let’s get into the ways you can start improving your relationship with yourself:
Practice being kind to yourself
According to research, being kind to yourself helps hold back your inner critic which results in a better relationship with yourself. Oftentimes, we are our worst enemy. We’re so afraid of being judged and failing, that we do it ourselves without even giving ourselves the chance to try. Our inner critic plays games with our minds and it’s important to recognize the pattern and break it.
The first step is to become aware of when you’re criticizing yourself. Recognize that you are not the feelings you feel or the thoughts you have. Treat these thoughts and feelings like visitors – let them pass through without bottling them up or shaming yourself for having them.
Become aware of negative self-talk
Similar to our inner critic, there’s this voice inside our head that guides us through life. This voice can either help you or turn your life into hell. It’s this constant voice that’s telling us that we’re not pretty enough… Skinny enough… smart enough… rich enough… You might be able to clearly hear this voice, or it could happen on a subconscious level.
Again, the first step to breaking a pattern is recognizing it. Someone once asked me something that changed my whole perspective on self-talk. They asked me: would you ever tell a close friend or even a random stranger that they’re ugly, fat, or a failure? Of course, my answer was no. They replied: why would you tell yourself something you wouldn’t even tell to a random person?
It’s mindblowing how harsh we are on ourselves, and kind to others. Recognize when you’re talking negatively talking to yourself, and change the narrative. That inner voice belongs to you – it’s in your hands to change what it’s saying.
Work on understanding yourself
I’ve noticed that I couldn’t make any decision unless certain people in my life agreed with it. Usually, they’re those you look up to or the ones closest to you. But then I thought: we’re all completely different people than one another. What if what works best for them won’t for me, and vice versa?
What if my definition of happiness of success is completely different than those of those around me? Asking myself these questions has made me think of the several decisions I made just to follow someone else’s footprints because they ‘inspire me’.
Turns out that inspiration doesn’t work like that at all. It’s good to feel inspired by other people, but that doesn’t mean that you have to follow their exact footprints. Feel inspired by their ability to choose for themselves. For sticking to their truest identity.
Remind yourself that no two people in the whole world are exactly the same. So, make the decisions that make you happy and not someone else. Free yourself from the opinion of others, and start choosing for yourself. Over time, you’ll understand yourself more, and making decisions that align with who you truly become easier and easier.
Spend time alone
One of the major signs that you need to work on your relationship with yourself is your inability to spend time alone. Spending time alone makes you more comfortable with being yourself and connecting with yourself on a deeper level, without the chaos of the outside world.
It doesn’t mean that you need to go on a 10-day solo trip on a deserted island and drink Pina Coladas by the beach. There are ways to spend time with yourself that can easily fit into your daily routine.
Practice (meaningful) self-care
Self-care for humans is the same as fuel for cars – without it, we won’t function. Practicing self-care regularly improves our relationship with ourselves and makes us more connected with it. Same as everything else, self-care looks different for every one of us.
Consider how you would like to take care of yourself and implement those activities into your daily routine to recharge before you’re out of fuel. It helps you reset the day and makes you feel like you’re investing in yourself.
There are different ways to practice all pillars of self-care. Experiment with different activities and choose the ones that suit you. Self-care can look like putting your phone on Do Not Disturb after work, telling your friend that you don’t have the mental capacity to listen to her stories right now, or making yourself a nutritious salad.
Commit to the things you said you’ll do
When we make promises to ourselves and do not stick to them, we lose trust in ourselves, the same as we would with others. Imagine if someone kept telling you that they’ll do something and they don’t for so long, you begin to lose trust in them. What they promise you in the future won’t mean anything to you because you don’t believe them.
The same happens when we keep breaking the promises we make to ourselves. Don’t tell yourself that you’ll start 10 different habits at a time and turn your life upside down in a short period of time because that’s overwhelming.
Instead, focus on small changes that you can stick to. Set realistic goals that you can commit to without overwhelming yourself. Committing to these habits even if they’re small helps you build trust in yourself and nurtures the relationship you have with yourself.
Conclusion
Understand that working on your relationship with yourself is the best decision you’ll ever make in your entire life, and the most fulfilling. But, it’s important to understand that the journey isn’t linear. Some days you’ll see progress and others you’ll feel like you haven’t done anything. And that’s fine – in fact, it’s part of the journey.
When it gets tough, remind yourself that you’re the only person you’ll have for eternity. And imagine how blissful it will be to spend the rest of your life with someone you have a great and healthy relationship with!