According to a report on the state of self-esteem by Dove Self-Esteem Fund, 7 in 10 girls believe they’re not good enough, or need to change certain things about themselves to live up to societal standards. It’s an alarming number of women who don’t know how to build confidence within themselves or have been taught that confidence equates to having a huge ego, which is completely incorrect.
Certainly, we all have our share of lack of confidence at times, maybe for some of us more than others, but have you asked yourself: “What am I doing in my life that feeds my self-confidence?” Self-confidence isn’t a trait someone is born with or passed down by genetics – it’s a skill that you need to nurture every day, the same as you would with any other life skill.
Of course, some of us have gone through things that made our self-esteem worse, but the way you decide to deal with it is all within your control. Genuine confidence has nothing to do with having a large ego or being an arrogant person. It’s not walking into the room and looking down at every person you meet because you’re better than them, it’s the complete opposite.
Self-confidence is knowing who you are, what you’re worth, and how valuable you are. It’s not waiting for external validation by attention from others, compliments, more money, more expensive clothes, better cars, etc… it’s knowing that who you are as a person is enough, and that everything else is additional.
Self-confidence grows when you look within, not outside. It’s doing the work of self-reflecting and being accountable – which is often times not the easiest thing to do. It’s genuine self-care, which can sometimes look like going through a tough conversation or being more self-disciplined. Once you understand what genuine self-confidence is, and how to work on it, you’ll find drastic changes in your life.
To learn more about what to do to have genuine self-confidence, keep reading…
1. Face your fears
Begin to take notice of what you fear, what triggers your anxiety, and face it heads-first. One thing I’ve always done myself is when I become anxious thinking about something, I tell myself that my anxiety is not real. It’s all in my head. And then I do that thing I’ve been scared of. And guess what? It works every time. This proves that what you’re afraid of is all in your head and that you’re capable of so much more than you think. Don’t do it despite being afraid, do it because you are afraid.
2. Have clarity in your life
I know for a fact that chaos makes me extremely self-conscious. And by chaos, I don’t just mean clutter and an overwhelming schedule, I mean chaos in my mind. When you get clear on what your goals are, who you are as a person, and what you want in your life, you become much more confident. That’s because you don’t wake up confused every day, unable to make any decisions because of how unclear your vision is. Instead, you wake up feeling like you have a vision and sense of direction that gives you confidence.
To gain more clarity, start writing down your thoughts: what you want, what makes you uncomfortable, what happiness means to you, what your boundaries are, and what you want to achieve. It’s normal not to know everything all at once, but starting somewhere gives you a sense of direction. Write everything down with the smallest of details, and it’ll all make sense in the end.
3. Become more self-disciplined
Remember when I mentioned that confidence comes from genuine self-care? Well, it’s true. Self-care isn’t always the easiest thing to do, sometimes, it means doing the things you least want to do. When you tell yourself that you’re going to do something, look at it like you’re making a promise to yourself.
When you make a promise to someone who’s valuable to you, and break it, what happens? That person trusts you less and doesn’t rely on your words. The same happens when you break the promises you make to the most valuable person in the world to you (yourself). With every promise you break, you trust yourself a lot less which gradually decreases your self-confidence.
Commit to believing in yourself, and doing the work, even if it’s the last thing you want to do. Self-love is sometimes painful and doesn’t always look like shopping sprees and face masks, but it’s essential for your growth and self-confidence.
4. Invest in yourself
As cheesy as it sounds, you truly are your most valuable investment. Investing in yourself is the only investment you’ll never regret. And by investing in yourself I mean reading books, learning something new, learning a new language, working on your health, eating better foods, going to more places, taking yourself on dates, and respecting your boundaries.