Being unhappy in your workplace environment is the number one people quit their jobs, even if it’s great for their career. It’s not the salary. Not the benefits. According to statistics, 72% of employees have left a job due to a toxic work environment, while 51% are planning to leave for the same reason.
As someone who has left their job for this reason before, I understand that dealing with frustration at work is not easy, especially if there’s a lot of built-up anger inside of you. It becomes hard to calmly respond to a situation where your coworker blames you, your egoistic boss puts you down, your effort is not appreciated, or you can’t keep up your boundaries at work.
You feel like you have reached your peak, waiting to burst at any minute. You go home thinking about how you can leave this place, and entering the office every day feels like like a huge burden.
With all of this, it’s only normal to feel frustrated at work and dread going there. Who wants to deal with work environment stress on top of the actual work you stress about?
However, the world doesn’t work the way we want it to, and never will, especially in the workplace. The desire to control everything around you; how people see you, their inner states, your boss’s treatment is unachievable to some extent.
We all want a work environment that fits our idea of a perfect workplace, but does that exist?
If we keep focusing on the amount of unfairness in the workplace, we’ll end up feeling more frustrated. So, are you focusing on the right thing? Is your mind solution-oriented, or are you adding stress and anxiety to your life without doing something about it?
By knowing how to deal with frustration at work, you work on the part of it that you can actually control. You get rid of unhealthy distractions that keep you from reaching your career goals and move forward.
Here is how to deal with frustration at work in an emotionally intelligent way:
1. Understand your triggers
The most powerful people in the world are those who know themselves. Knowing yourself means knowing your triggers well. It is the first step in handling any frustrating situation without losing control. There are other things to do if you’re unhappy at work rather than lashing out. Training yourself to pause when you’re feeling the urge to explode, and think the situation through before your act is a superpower.
When you know what triggers you at work, you can shift from reacting in an emotional way to acting rationally. There could be many reasons you’re feeling triggered by a situation, some of which might be personal and have nothing to do with the situation itself.
If you get frustrated, identify which of these triggers an emotional response.
- Unfairness. Do you feel like you don’t deserve this treatment, or there’s discrimination in the workplace?
- Powerlessness. Do you feel unable to make your own decisions, manage your time, or your ideas are not supported?
- Belittling. Do you feel like your boss is intentionally treating you badly because of the status difference?
- Security. Are you certain about where you stand in this company, or if they will replace you at any time?
2. Distinguish between what’s true, and what’s in your head
When we’re frustrated and unhappy, we tend to create stories in our heads that are far from the truth. That’s because we focus too much on a situation we’re involved in, and forget that we don’t know the intentions of those around us.
We assume that because someone talked in a different tone, they’re intentionally treating us badly. We don’t think that maybe it has nothing to do with us. Think about the many times you created a story in your head and then figured out that it’s not true.
People have mixed intentions, and some of them are entirely unrelated to us. Even if someone is acting with good intentions, it could still mean something different to us. It could hurt us because we’re different people and react differently to situations.
For example, if one of the employees on your team does at task assigned to you, you could interpret it as them not trusting you to do it well, or thinking they could do it better than you. Whereas someone else could see this as a nice gesture and is helping out because they had some free time.
We assume that everyone in the world is out to get us, and that makes us view situations in a way that’s super exaggerated. We want to validate our minds and beliefs, so we create stories in our heads.
Ask yourself these things when trying to separate the truth from the story you tell yourself:
- How do I know if this is the truth?
- Are the signs the person showed visible or invisible?
- Could there be other explanations for their behavior?
- Why would that person want to harm me? What’s their catch?
- If I tell this story to someone uninvolved, would they view it the same way I did?
- If my friend told me this story, would I view it the same way I would if I was the one involved?
- What did I do that led to this situation?
3. Have realistic expectations
The main reason for disappointment and frustration is having unrealistic expectations of what life should be like. Being obsessed with controlling everything around you to it could lead to the exact outcomes you expected is a recipe for disaster and frustration.
You can never control other people’s reactions. And if you solely rely on external validation to feel seen or appreciated, you’ll live in frustration. What we’re in control of is what we do and how we do things, including the quality of our work. What if your boss doesn’t give you a positive comment after each time you close a deal? Does it change how good you did the job?
Putting in the effort to get a positive response from your boss or coworkers will cause more harm than good. Sure, you can get a push from external validation every now and then, but not always. Set realistic goals that fit with your standard, do your best, and any external factors don’t matter.
4. Look at the bright side
We learn more from hardships than we do from good times. Instead of narrowing your horizons into two options – dreading the workplace or picking up a fight, why not have a different narrative?
Frustration is a negative emotion, but it can be turned into a positive learning experience. It teaches you that the way things are working right now doesn’t suit you. It challenges you to look for better methods and grow.
A horrible boss is frustrating, but also an example of what you never want to become. And if you go to a different job, you’ll learn to enforce healthy work boundaries with your boss early on before it’s too late. So, take control of your narrative!
Nothing feels better than responding in a new way to something that would have had your spiraling in the past
Brianna west
5. Speak with your boss
Whether your boss is genuinely a horrible leader or isn’t self-aware that their treatment is destructive rather than constructive, confronting them is worth the shot. If you decide to do this, make sure you’re prepared for this conversation by not being emotionally fueled in the conversation.
Outline your circumstances; challenges, sources of frustration, and how can they help. Always include a solution when you’re talking and be work-oriented. Meaning that your suggested solution is something that will make you more focused on your role.
Having these uncomfortable conversations could solve your problem. Instead of whining about the situation, put yourself through a few minutes of discomfort for a possibly positive outcome.
Naturally, we tend to avoid conflict but to deal with frustration at work, conflict is inevitable. You can have a mature and calm discussion that doesn’t trigger the fight-or-flight instinct that puts you through stress.