I once saw this TikTok, where a girl made an observation so simple yet really so profound that I haven’t stopped thinking about it since, about showing up for yourself.
If your friend asks you to pick them up from the airport at 6 AM, you’ll set your alarm, wake up early, and be there waiting until their flight lands. You committed to them, so that friend is confident that you’ll show up, no doubt.
But when you tell yourself you’ll be at the gym at 6 AM? Suddenly, hitting snooze feels completely justified. That commitment was “just to yourself,” after all.
We casually break promises to ourselves on a daily basis. We show up for colleagues, family, and friends without hesitation, often having to go out of our way to do so. Yet when it comes to showing up for yourself, for your goals, dreams, and needs that matter the most to you, you negotiate, postpone, and even cancel the commitment altogether.
Which leads us to the million-dollar question: Why don’t we show up for ourselves with the same dedication we offer everyone else? And most importantly, how do we start?
source: canva
What does “showing up for yourself” actually mean?
When I first heard the phrase “showing up for yourself”, I imagined dramatic acts of self-love like expensive spa days or quitting my job to “find myself”. But showing up for yourself is actually built on smaller, daily decisions that honor your needs, boundaries, and dreams.
Showing up for yourself isn’t necessarily always comfortable. It can mean choosing the hard things because you know they’ll take you to where you want to be. It can be doing your best at your job that you don’t like, because it pays your bills for the moment, instead of quitting your job to find yourself.
At its core, showing up for yourself means treating yourself with the same care, respect, and commitment that you extend to the important people in your life. It’s about being your own best friend, cheerleader, and advocate.
Showing up for yourself means:
- Keeping promises to yourself. When you say you’ll go to bed early, take a class, or minimize screentime, you follow through – just as you would if you had made this promise to someone else.
- Honoring your feelings. Not dismissing your emotions as “too dramatic” or “too sensitive”, but acknowledging them as valid, just the way you would if a friend were talking about their feelings. Think about it: Would your friend ever confide in you and you’d reply, “You’re too dramatic”?
- Advocating for your needs. Speaking up when something doesn’t work for you, whether it’s to a partner, manager, sibling, or friend, rather than silently accommodating at your own expense.
- Creating space for growth. Finding a solution when it comes to something that will help you grow. Prioritizing activities and relationships that help you evolve, even when it’s inconvenient.
- Celebrating your wins (and losses). Pausing to acknowledge how far you’ve come and your achievements, rather than moving on to the next goal or thinking about the things you could have done better, you just learn from them.
Why you might be struggling to show up for yourself:
Before we get into how to show up for yourself, let’s talk a bit about why it’s so challenging for some of us. Understanding the reasons and barriers will help us overcome them better!
The endless to-do list trap. Between work deadlines, family obligations, and social commitments, making time for yourself often feels impossible. Self-care gets pushed to “someday” or “when I pass this period”.
The guilt. Most of us (especially women) have been conditioned to believe that prioritizing ourselves is selfish if the needs of everyone around us haven’t been met yet. We feel guilty about making time for personal needs when others might need us.
Fear of disappointment. We’ve let ourselves down way too many times in the past, so it becomes the normal state. To avoid adding more to it, we just avoid making commitments to ourselves altogether. It’s sometimes easier not to try than to try and fail.
Lack of clarity. Sometimes we don’t even know what we need and want. We know that there’s an unmet need, something feels wrong, or there’s a yearning to change something in your life, but it’s just unclear what it is that makes showing up for ourselves feel vague and difficult to act on.
The comparison game. Social media shows us carefully curated versions of other people’s self-care routines, making us feel like we’re doing it wrong if our version doesn’t look as aesthetic or perfect.
Practical ways to show up for yourself
Now let’s get past all this theory and move into actionable and practical ways to show up for yourself:
1. Make a decision to honor your word to yourself
Start with micro-commitments: Rather than vowing to completely overhaul your life (guilty), begin with small promises you know you can keep. Maybe it’s drinking water first thing in the morning or taking a five-minute walk after lunch.
Using time blockers in your calendar: Schedule appointments with yourself and treat them as non-negotiable as you would a work meeting or doctor’s appointment.
Create accountability systems: Tell a friend about your commitment, use a habit tracker (I personally love Finch, the self-care pet), or join a community with similar goals.
The five-minute rule: If you’re tempted to break a promise to yourself, commit to doing just five minutes of this activity. Often, getting started is the hardest part, and you’ll continue once you begin.
2. Set boundaries that stick
Practice saying “I’ll check what I have to do first” or “let me check my schedule.” This simple phrase gives you space to consider whether something truly serves you before committing.
Identify your non-negotiables: What are the absolute minimum requirements for your well-being? Whether it’s eight hours of sleep, morning movement, or device-free evenings, protect these vigorously.
Start with the easiest boundaries: Build your boundary-setting muscle by starting with situations where you feel most comfortable saying no, then gradually work up to more challenging scenarios.
3. Have self-connection practices
Morning check-ins: First thing in the morning, take a few minutes to ask yourself: How am I feeling today? What do I need? What’s one thing I can do to show up for myself today?
This one is my personal favorite, as I believe that rewiring and setting your priorities straight in the morning (I do that by journaling, you can just talk to yourself for a few minutes if you don’t like journaling) really helps with setting the tone of the day and not just living on autopilot.
4. Building self-trust through consistency
Don’t underestimate even the smallest promises: If you say you’ll drink a glass of water, do it. Each fulfilled commitment rebuilds your relationship with yourself.
Practice gentle course-correction: When you slip up (and you will), avoid harsh criticism. Make it a habit to just move on and focus on what you can do at this moment that can help the current situation.
My personal journey with showing up for myself
My bachelor’s years, going into my first year of working, I showed up for myself a bit too much. The hustle culture was REAL. I wouldn’t waste time on taking some time to do “unproductive things”. If I were washing the dishes, I was also listening to a personal development podcast. I would cancel all plans to work out 6 times a week, often staying at the gym for 2+ hours.
I would wake up stressed and thinking about too much at the same time – not even taking the time to have breakfast with my family because I thought it would waste my time. When I come to think of it, I really was hurting myself and those around me.
It made me unable to enjoy anything, and also put too much resistance between myself and my goals because I was doing too much. It’s like I couldn’t believe that you can work towards your goals and dreams while having a “normal” life.
When you come to think of it, treating your dreams as too far away and too unrealistic, it only pushes them further away, like chasing someone, your energy just becomes too needy or too intense. I believe the same thing happens when you treat your goals as unattainable.
A few years later and I decided to “love myself” more by not forcing myself to do things that I don’t want to do and putting my wellbeing first, and I also went too far with that. I went from training 6 times a week to having one session, if any, to prioritizing every social commitment over working on my goals, just basically trying to be in a comfortable state all the time.
Maybe that was my body recovering from all the stress I put it in, but I know for sure that I struggled with moderation. I needed to be all in or all out all the time. Small efforts every day are better than big pushes every week, and that’s what I needed to learn.
Starting small, I committed to things that are realistic for me. Like training 3-4 times a week, writing once a week while working full-time, and journaling for five minutes every morning. The difference here is that I’m showing up for myself while honoring my needs and well-being.
I’m not just showing up for one area in my life, but in all other areas as well – friendships, family, work, personal projects, health, etc. It still remains a practice that I will keep on working on!
Remember: showing up for yourself isn’t about perfectly executed self-care routines or dramatic lifestyle changes. It’s about the quiet, consistent decision to treat yourself as someone worthy of your own time, energy, and care.
It’s about becoming the friend to yourself you’ve always been to others.
So, how will you show up for yourself today? I’d love to know in the comments!